Unchangable Past
by Cricketpoor
Summary: Sirius remembers James, his father, Remus, and the past.


Unchangeable past

Author Cricketpoor

Parring: SB/RL

Summary: Sirius remembers James, his father, Remus, and the past.

Warning: Angst

Sound track: objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are by Meatloaf. But that song on repeat when you read this and it will be giving you the mood.

Sirius sat looking out through a window when Remus found him. The night was beautiful the stars were bright and the new moon shone pale on the black silk. Remus knew that Sirius didn't want to talk just yet. After a couple of minutes Sirius spoke.

"When we went for summer break in our fifth year James showed me where I could find Sirius, the star. He told me it was so I would always remember who I am, the brightest star on the sky. I miss those years, you know when we were the marauders and how close me and him was. He was the brother I never had. All those times we got in trouble and al those times we got away using the teacher's words against them. Ranting about girls, music and quidditch that we could stay up all night watching the sky and talk and plan. During those nights he would brush my hair and he always said he loved it. I remember when I found them, when I heard and then saw him dead. He died, I remember crying so much for everything I lost, for everything he lost, and all those things we never got to do even though they were planed. He was only twenty one! It wasn't fair, we were so young…I can't remember how many nights I've cried my self to sleep and wished for an other chance with him. I still think I se him sometimes. It is like he is around to help me over the edge when the time comes."

Remus looked at his friend knowing that it wasn't all.

"You know that they say that you shouldn't say anything because it has already been said much better?"

Remus nodded

"Well this has been said much better. "

He got up and after a very short while He came back to the tunes of a Meatloaf song.

The skies were pure and the fields were green

And the sun was brighter than it's ever been

When I grew up with my best friend Kenny

We were close as any brothers than you ever knew

It was always summer and the future called

We were ready for adventures and we wanted them all

And there was so much left to dream and so much to time to make it real

But I can still recall the sting of all the tears when he was gone

They say he crashed and burned

I know I'll never learn why any boy should die so young

We were racing, we were soldiers of fortune

We got in trouble but we sure got around

There are times I think I see him peeling out of the dark

I think he's right behind me and he's gaining ground

But it was long ago and it was far away, oh God it seems so very far

And if life is just a highway then the soul is just a car

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are

And when the sun descended and the night arose

I heard my father cursing everyone he knows

He was dangerous and drunk and defeated

And corroded by failure and envy and hate

There were endless winters and the dreams would freeze

Nowhere to hide and no leaves on the trees

And my father's eyes were blank as he hit me again and again and again

I know I still believe he'd never let me leave, I had to run away alone

So many threats and fears, so many wasted years before my life became my own

And though the nightmares should be over

Some of the horrors are still intact

I'll hear that ugly coarse and violent voice

And the he me from behind and then he pulls me back

But it was long ago and it was far away, oh God it seems so very far

And if life is just a highway then the soul is just a car

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are

There was a beauty living on the edge of town

And she always put the top up and the hammer down

And she taught me everything I'll ever know

About the mystery and the muscle of love

The stars would glimmer and the moon would glow

I'm in the back seat with my Julie like a Romeo

And the signs along the highway all said, Caution! Kids At Play!

Those were the rights of spring and we did everything

There was salvation every night

We got our dreams reborn and our upholstery torn

But everything we tried was right

She used her body just like a bandage, she used my body just like a wound

I'll probably never know where she disappeared

But I can see her rising up out of the backseat now

Just like an angel rising up from a tomb

But it was long ago and it was far away, oh God it seems so very far

And if life is just a highway then the soul is just a car

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are

And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are

She used her body just like a bandage, she used my body just like a wound

I'll probably never know where she disappeared

But I can see her rising up out of the backseat now

Remus swallowed and then he hugged his best friend tightly. They sat like that for such a long time, neither of them wanted to get up or break the contact. After a while Sirius started to speak with his face resting on Remus shoulder.

"It was in our forth year he found out just why I hated my father. He flooed to our house at summer and saw me after one of fathers worse nights. He held me and told me that it would be alright, that I was better than them. I remember burying my face in his shoulder and cry my eyes out. Then he had to leave, but he promised that he would be there if I ever needed him. I ran way from home you know, I had to get away and they wouldn't let me. The Potter family took me in and I am forever grateful of that. The last part of the song is about you, you know that right? You are my reason to get up every morning, you and Harry. But you are different from Harry. Harry is like my son while you are my lover. I sometimes wish you could understand how much I love it is like there is this fire in my chest, and it hurts sometimes when I can't touch you or hold you. I just wish for you to know how much it means to me to know that you are here now. I am so afraid I will just wakeup one morning and be ten again, that it was all a dream. Can you please take that away moony?"

Remus sadly shook his head

"I can't change the past, but I promise I'm not going anywere."

Sirius sat up and his voice rang with loss, love and sorrow as he said

"The past is unchangeable, if it wasn't I would change it a lot. I'm so happy you are here with me Moony."

"Me to padfoot, me too."

Fin


End file.
